


SpecSACKlular

by bi_exhausted1743



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Book: Breaking Dawn, Gay, M/M, Movie: Breaking Dawn Part 1, Wedding, Werewolf, edward's sack, edward/jacob - Freeform, tree kith, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_exhausted1743/pseuds/bi_exhausted1743
Summary: if jacob was attracted to bella's egg, that means that there was a week long period when he was also really into edward's nuts
Relationships: Jacob Black/Edward Cullen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	SpecSACKlular

Jacob is sweaty. He is outside of Bella and Edward’s forest wedding. They already played 1000 years, so Jacob knew they had wed already and kithed. But that’s okay, Jacob convinced himself, he knew he still had a chance with Bella. Jacob is nervous and sweaty so he takes off his shirt. Then he remembers it is a wedding, so it puts it back on, but only kind of. 

Bella and Edward come out of the big glass house. Everyone thinks Carlyle bought the house, but Jacob knows the truth. Jacob knows it’s because of Alice’s game in the stock markets and Emmet’s only fans. Carlyle is a terrible doctor. 

Bella is happy to see Jacob. Edward is happy Jacob has shirt. Jacob and Bella start dancing by the forest edge. Edward watches from the middle distance with his eyes. Jacob likes that Edward is watching.  _ Let him watch me twirl his girl, _ he thinks,  _ I’ll twirl her so good, she will want me sexually. _

But something is wrong. Despite having Bella’s saltine cracker body in his arms, Jacob is distracted. Jacob CANNOT stop looking at Edward. Edward looks very nice, very alluring, specifically his sack.

_ What??? _ Jacob does not know why Edward’s sack suddenly calls unto him. He has been around Edward a lot, especially during Eclipse. But Jacob never noticed him sack. He is trying to dance with Bella but he is sweaty again. He should have kept shirt off. He twirls Bella one last time before yelling at her for wanting to be a vampire. Bella yells back, and Jacob feels that Bella is still team jacob. He will win Bella’s heart yet. Marriage is temporary. But then again...Edward’s sack is right there. Looking good and full and there. Why has Jacob never noticed the sweet sack smell of Edward before? 

Bella is angry and storms away. Jacob is upset, but not as upset as when Edward turns away too. Dammit there they go, jostling in the fabric darkness of Edward’s trousers. Mmmmm. Jacob shakes his head and turns into a wolf so he could wolf it out. He howls at the moon. Nobody answers. It’s just Jacob and his thoughts.

Jacob can’t sleep that night. He is thinking about Edward’s balls. Instead of sleeping, he turns wolf and runs to the Cullen house, hoping to catch a whiff of Edward’s man musk. In this version of Breaking Dawn, Edward has not left for his honeymoon yet. At the wedding, Bella got sloppy drunk and finally bitch slapped Jessica for being a shady little cunt these last three movies. Jessica got her back with a piledriver into the moss. Emmet screamed, “THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!” and everyone ran to watch, cheering them on. Carlyle pulled them apart before Bella could follow through with her chokeslam, which Carlyle knew Jessica would not survive. After chewing on some of the tree bark pews and pissing on the ice sculpture, Bella finally came down. Edward had to carry Bella’s sleeping sloppy form into the house. They couldn’t go to Rio until Bella was no longer aggressive. Jacob was very grateful for this, and he threw a small rodent at the window of Edward’s room. The thud was enough to get Edward’s attention, and he looked up from his book. He was confused to see Jacob, but secretly pleased, because he didn’t know how to read.

“What do you want Jacob?” Edward asked after he vampire-ran down the stairs into the woods near Jacob. 

Jacob inhaled deeply. He could smell Edward’s scrote from here.

“What do you want, dog?” Edward asked again, sounding angry. 

Jacob growled doggishly. “Bella is mine!” he said out of force of habit.

“We’re married now Jacob. And tomorrow night I will touch her cooter with my hands. Maybe even with my peen!”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR PENIS!”!”!”!”””” screamed Jacob like a mad man. He shoved Edward with his wolf strength. 

Edward stumbled, but didn’t fall because he was graceful. “What is your problem Jacob? Why are you here?”

Jacob didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell the truth! Not about Edward’s bags! He was trying to think quickly of an excuse. Thankfully his mind runs of dog time, and one human second is the equivalent of 7 werewolf seconds!!!

“I just wanted to say congratulations,” Jacob lied deceitfully. “At least one of us gets to fuck her, right?”

Edward narrowed his yellow little eyes. “I wish you wouldn’t talk about my wife like that-”

“We should have sex!” Jacob yelled.

Silence befell the men. “I’m sorry what?” Edward asked, confused but not completely closed off to the idea. He had never had his schlock touched. Maybe Jacob doing it now would help Edward last longer later. Edward hoped this was how sex worked, since he was a virgin and also couldn’t read.

Jacob was silent for at least twentyone dog seconds. “We should...have sex. You and me. And your balls.” 

Edward found this weird. His balls? Wouldn’t they have to be there.  _ Oh durrr Edward, you don’t know diddle about sex, ya goofgoof!  _ Edward thought to himself. Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea. For experience. Edward decided to be seductive. He walked up to Jacob, his long pale neck long. “You want to touch my teetly, is that it, Jacob? You wanna touch my pinky dinky dood?”

Jacob had never heard these terms for a penis, but he assumed it was a white people thing, so he nodded. Edward’s meatclackers clacking at him from Edward’s pants. 

When Jacob nodded, Edward lowered his neck to Jacob and planted one kiss on him. Jacob felt his man heart beat in his man chest. This was a good one. Edward was trying to use tongue, and Jacob respected this. It felt good and right, even though it was oh so so wrong. Edward tasted like blood. Jacob tasted like Milkbone. They were a forbidden romance.

Jacob pushed Edward against a tree, Edward’s jingle bells jangling from within the vampire’s little pants. Little tight pants full of scrotum and sperms. Jacob licked his lips like a dog but not in a furry way. He leaned forward and licked inside Edward’s mouth; this time it was in a furry way, and Edward learned something new about himself.

Suddenly, Edward pulled back. “Is this why you’ve been following me and Bella around weirdly? It’s been me the whole time?” 

Then Jacob stopped and thought. “N-no. I love Bella.”

“But you love me?” Edward asked, confused.

“No. I don’t love you. I just...it’s your crotch that I love.”

Edward was confused. “Just my sack? Not the rest of my dinkle?”

Jacob thought about it. “Maybe also your dinkle? I don’t know, I am so confused.”

Edward nodded. He had had over one hundred years to decide to be heterosexual, with this new fun exception that definitely didn’t count because Jacob was of color. “Do you want to sleep it off? Maybe you should go home and rest. When I come back from my honeymoon, maybe then we could talk about this. I probably won’t have sex with Bella on our honeymoon anyway because her coot is mortal and my schlong is transcendental.”

Jacob nodded, thinking thirstily at Edward’s danglers but confused and tired now because damn Bella was sexy too. Especially her mid-region, just behind her intestines. Mmmm. Jacob walks away though, because he is a big boy.

The next time Jacob sees Edward, he is no longer attracted to Edward or his chin-bangers. But he wants to fuck the shit out of Bella’s stomach.


End file.
